Pre-planning Your Funeral: A Step-by-step Guide

Nobody wants to think about their own funeral. But whether you're planning ahead to ease the burden on your family or making decisions after a recent loss, having a clear roadmap makes an overwhelming process manageable.

This guide walks you through every decision you'll face, from choosing burial or cremation to understanding your legal rights when comparing costs. You'll learn how to create a plan that reflects your values and budget without getting pressured into unnecessary expenses or rushed into choices you'll regret.

One quick clarification before we begin: this information is educational, not legal or financial advice. Funeral regulations, contract rules, and consumer protections vary significantly by state. When in doubt, consult an attorney, financial advisor, or your state funeral board.

Why Pre-Planning Actually Helps

Pre-planning means deciding what you want for your final arrangements and, if you choose, paying for them in advance. The process reduces uncertainty, gives you control over costs, and spares your family from making difficult decisions during an already painful time.

Despite these benefits, only about 19 percent of Americans have pre-planned their funeral arrangements, according to the National Funeral Directors Association's 2025 Consumer Awareness & Preferences Study. The rest leave these decisions to grieving relatives who may not know what they wanted or how much things should cost.

You're likely reading this in one of two scenarios: planning ahead for yourself, or handling arrangements after someone died. The steps are identical. Only the timeline and emotional context differ.

Step 1: Define What Matters Before Anyone Tries to Sell You Anything

Walking into a funeral home without clear priorities is like going car shopping without knowing whether you need a pickup truck or a sedan. You'll get sold whatever makes the provider the most money.

Start by answering three questions:

What are your non-negotiables? Maybe keeping costs under $5,000 matters more than having a traditional viewing. Maybe being buried near family outweighs every other consideration. Maybe environmental concerns make cremation or natural burial essential. Write down your top three priorities before contacting providers.

Who's actually going to execute this plan? Identify your legal decision-maker—typically your next of kin, the executor named in your will, or someone you've designated in a healthcare directive. Confirm they're willing to take this on and know where to find your instructions. If you're planning after a death, determine who has legal authority under your state's laws.

What's your realistic budget? Funerals can cost anywhere from $1,500 for direct cremation to over $15,000 for an elaborate burial with all the trimmings. Knowing your range prevents overspending when emotions run high.

Write these down. A simple note with your priorities, budget range, preferred location, and primary contact person will keep you grounded when providers start offering upgrades.

Step 2: Make the Big Decision—Disposition and Service Type

Your first major choice determines everything that follows: what happens to your body, and what kind of gathering (if any) you want for family and friends.

Your disposition options:

Traditional burial includes embalming, viewing, and burial in a casket. This remains the choice for many religious and cultural traditions.

Immediate burial skips the viewing and embalming, placing the body in a casket and burying it within days. Less expensive, still allows a graveside service.

Cremation with viewing or service first provides a traditional funeral experience before cremation. The body is prepared for viewing, then cremated after the service.

Direct cremation is the most economical option. The body is cremated shortly after death with no viewing or embalming. Families can hold a memorial service later with or without the ashes present.

Context helps normalize your choice: the U.S. cremation rate is projected at 63.4 percent for 2025. More Americans now choose cremation than burial. Neither option is better. They're just different.

One crucial fact that providers must tell you but won't always volunteer: federal law does not require embalming except in rare cases like transporting remains across state lines by common carrier or specific public health situations. Refrigeration works as an alternative if you need time before a viewing. If a funeral director says embalming is "required," ask whether that's a legal requirement or a cemetery policy. Know the difference.

Three questions narrow your decision: Do you want a viewing? Should any service happen before or after disposition? Are there specific traditions you must include—or prefer to skip?

Step 3: Understand What Funerals Actually Cost

Knowing typical prices helps you recognize reasonable estimates and spot inflated fees. Here are median costs from the National Funeral Directors Association's 2023 survey, still widely cited as industry benchmarks:

• Traditional funeral with viewing and burial: $8,300
• Funeral with viewing and cremation: $6,280
• Basic services fee for funeral director and staff: $2,495

That basic services fee appears on every bill and covers the funeral director's time, paperwork, and coordination. Most providers make it non-declinable, meaning you pay it regardless of which services you choose.

Your actual costs depend on location, provider, and specific choices. Here's how expenses typically break down:

Funeral home charges: Basic services fee, transporting remains, preparation like embalming and dressing, use of facilities for viewing or ceremony, staff for services

Merchandise: Casket (the single biggest expense in traditional burials), urn, alternative cremation container

Cemetery or crematory fees: Burial plot or columbarium niche, opening and closing the grave (digging and filling it back in), cremation fee, permits

Third-party items: Obituary placement, flowers, officiant or clergy, reception venue and catering, certified death certificates, travel for transporting remains

Regional differences are real. A funeral in Manhattan costs more than one in rural Kansas. Inflation affects prices over time. Cemetery fees vary wildly based on location and prestige.

Here's a practical budgeting method: divide your choices into three columns labeled "must-have," "nice-to-have," and "skip." Total your must-haves, add your top nice-to-haves until you hit your budget, then add a 10 to 20 percent buffer for unexpected costs like extra death certificates or last-minute transportation.

Step 4: Know Your Legal Rights When Shopping

The FTC Funeral Rule exists specifically to protect you from deceptive pricing and pressure tactics. Understanding your rights changes the conversation with providers.

You have the right to get itemized pricing. Funeral homes must provide a General Price List (GPL) showing the cost of every item and service they offer. You can request this by phone, in person, or (increasingly) by email. The provider must give it to you at the beginning of any discussion about arrangements, whether you're pre-planning or making immediate decisions. Keep the list—it's yours.

You can buy caskets and urns from third parties. Online retailers and local casket stores often charge hundreds or thousands less than funeral homes. Federal law prohibits providers from refusing to use a casket you bought elsewhere or charging you a "handling fee" for accepting it. If a funeral director pushes back, cite the FTC Funeral Rule. They know the law.

Caskets aren't required for cremation. Providers must tell you this and must offer alternative containers—usually simple cardboard or canvas. If someone suggests you need a casket for cremation, they're either misinformed or trying to inflate your bill.

Burial vaults aren't required by law. Not in any U.S. state. Many cemeteries require them to prevent graves from sinking, but that's cemetery policy, not legal mandate. When a provider lists a vault as required, ask whether that's law or property rules. The distinction matters for your negotiating position.

You can pick and choose services. Funeral homes cannot force you to buy packages or make purchasing one item conditional on buying another. If you only want transportation and cremation, you only pay for transportation, cremation, and the basic services fee. Period.

Here's your script for getting clear pricing:

"Can you email me your General Price List before we meet?"

"Which items on this estimate are required by state law versus required by cemetery policy versus optional?"

"Can you provide a written total with every charge itemized separately?"

These questions separate transparent providers from those trying to obscure costs.

Step 5: Compare Real Estimates from Multiple Providers

Contact three to five funeral homes or cremation providers in your preferred area. Confirm they're properly licensed in your state—most state funeral boards maintain online directories.

Call each one and describe exactly what you want. "I need direct cremation" or "I want a viewing followed by burial" or "I'd like a memorial service at my church with cremation afterward." Request itemized pricing for that specific plan.

Compare these line items across providers:

• Basic services fee
• Transportation charges (from place of death to funeral home, from funeral home to cemetery or crematory)
• Preparation costs (embalming if needed, dressing, cosmetology)
• Facility use fees (chapel for viewing, ceremony space)
• Cash-advance items (flowers, obituary fees, certified death certificates)

Watch for package pricing. Bundles that promise "everything you need" often include services you don't want and hide the true cost of individual items. Always ask for itemized breakdowns. If a provider won't give you one, that's useful information about how they do business.

One frustrating reality: only about 18 percent of funeral homes post complete price lists online, according to a 2022 study by the Funeral Consumers Alliance and Consumer Federation of America. You'll likely need to call or visit. That's not necessarily suspicious—many small, family-owned funeral homes have limited web presence. But any reluctance to provide pricing over the phone or by email is a red flag.

Step 6: Handle Cemetery Arrangements Separately

If you choose burial or cremation with interment, you'll work with a cemetery in addition to the funeral home. These are usually separate businesses with separate fees.

When you "buy a plot," you're not buying land. You're purchasing a "right of interment"—permission to be buried in a specific location. The cemetery provides a deed or certificate as proof. You don't own the property and can't build on it or use it for anything except burial.

Questions to ask the cemetery:

How much are opening and closing fees? This covers excavating the grave and filling it back in. Expect $350 to $3,000 depending on location and whether it's a weekend or holiday.

What are the rules for markers and monuments? Some cemeteries restrict size, material, or design. Some require you to use their preferred installer. Confirm what's allowed before buying a headstone elsewhere.

What happens if I need to transfer or sell this plot? Life changes. You might move across the country or change your mind. Transfer fees range from $145 to $800, and some cemeteries restrict resales. State laws govern whether you can sell to a third party. Check the cemetery's policy and your state's rules before buying.

What does perpetual care cover? This fee, often included in the plot cost, covers basic grounds maintenance. Ask what's included and what costs extra.

For cremation, options include purchasing a niche in a columbarium (a structure with small compartments for urns), a space in an urn garden designed for burying cremated remains, or a scattering garden where ashes are dispersed. Each option has different costs and rules.

Buying a plot or niche ahead of time locks in current prices and secures your preferred location. Waiting means you might pay more later or lose access to desirable spots.

Step 7: Gather the Information That Keeps Everything Moving

Death certificates, obituaries, and legal paperwork all require the same basic facts. Collecting this information now prevents your family from scrambling through old documents while grieving.

Vital statistics you'll need:

• Full legal name and any nicknames you use
• Date and place of birth
• Social Security number
• Parents' full names, including mother's maiden name
• Current marital status and spouse's full name
• Educational background and occupation
• Military service details (branch, dates of service, discharge status)

Death certificate planning: Your funeral director will file the official death certificate using this information. Families typically need five to ten certified copies to close bank accounts, claim life insurance, settle estates, and handle Social Security benefits. Order extras at the outset—requesting more later costs more and takes longer.

Obituary preferences: Draft a basic version yourself or list the facts you want included and those you want kept private. Note any organizations for memorial donations, your preferred photo, and who should approve the final text before publication.

This isn't about writing your life story. It's about making sure the essential facts are correct and accessible when time is short.

Step 8: Document Everything in Writing

Verbal instructions get forgotten or disputed. Written plans drive action.

Create these documents:

Funeral preference letter or planning worksheet. Detail your choices for disposition, service type, music selections, readings, officiant, and who you want involved. Be specific. "I want cremation" is less helpful than "I want direct cremation through ABC Funeral Home, followed by a memorial service at my church with Jane Smith as officiant."

Contact list. Names and phone numbers for your chosen funeral home, cemetery, officiant, executor, lawyer, and key family members.

Financial information. Where relevant funds are kept, account numbers if appropriate, and who can access them.

Here's what complicates this step: whether funeral instructions are legally binding varies by state. Some states treat written wishes as enforceable if properly documented. Others don't. Instructions in a will may arrive too late if the will isn't read until after arrangements are made. Contact an attorney familiar with your state's estate laws to understand what holds legal weight.

Even where funeral wishes aren't legally enforceable, clear written instructions prevent family conflicts and guide your decision-maker through difficult choices.

Store copies with your will and estate planning documents. Give one to your executor. Tell your family where to find them. Don't lock the only copy in a safe deposit box—banks may restrict access after death, and your family will need these instructions immediately.

Step 9: Think Carefully Before Prepaying

Pre-planning and prepaying are not the same thing. You can plan everything without paying a cent upfront. Many people do.

Prepayment locks in prices and relieves your family of financial burden. But it introduces complications that deserve serious consideration.

Your prepayment options:

Pre-need contract with a funeral home guarantees prices for specified goods and services. The funds typically go into a trust or insurance product regulated by state law.

Pre-need insurance is a policy specifically designed to pay funeral expenses when you die. Premiums may exceed the eventual payout by the time you factor in fees and interest.

Payable-on-death savings account designates a beneficiary who receives the funds immediately upon your death without going through probate. You keep control while alive, and the money remains accessible for other emergencies if needed.

Why people prepay:

Current prices get locked in, protecting against inflation. A $6,000 funeral today might cost $8,000 in ten years.

Your family doesn't scramble for money during crisis. The bill is already paid.

For Medicaid planning, prepaid funeral funds may be exempt from asset limits when determining nursing home eligibility.

Why prepayment can backfire:

State regulations governing preneed contracts vary dramatically. Some states require strong consumer protections—placing your money in trust accounts with clear refund policies and protections if the funeral home closes. Others have minimal safeguards. The quality of your protection depends entirely on where you live.

Moving states or changing your mind creates problems. Transferring a prepaid plan to another location may be impossible or expensive. Cancellation fees can eat much of your refund.

Many contracts guarantee merchandise prices (casket, vault) but not service fees or third-party cash-advance items. You think you're paying in full, but your family still owes money when you die.

Before signing any prepayment contract, get written answers to these questions:

Which costs are guaranteed versus subject to increase?

Is this plan transferable if I move or want to use a different funeral home?

What are the cancellation terms? How much do I get back if I change my mind? Are there fees?

Where is my money held? Is it placed in trust, converted to insurance, or kept by the funeral home? What happens if the business closes?

What protections does my state law provide for preneed funds?

This guide cannot tell you whether to prepay. That's a financial decision affected by your age, health, assets, state of residence, and family situation. Consult a financial advisor who understands preneed regulations in your state before committing.

Step 10: Have the Conversation Your Family Needs to Hear

The most detailed plan fails if nobody knows it exists or understands what you want.

Schedule a specific conversation with whoever will handle your arrangements. Don't mention it in passing. Make it an actual discussion.

Explain what you decided, where the documents are stored, who's in charge, and how much flexibility you're comfortable with them having. If you've chosen cremation but don't care about timing for a memorial service, say so. If you absolutely want a specific poem read, make that clear.

Invite questions. Write down disagreements and document your final decision. Family dynamics are complicated. Clear documentation reduces the chance that grief and stress trigger arguments about what you "really wanted."

Create a one-page summary with the bare essentials:

• Burial or cremation?
• Funeral home and cemetery names and phone numbers
• Approximate budget or location of set-aside funds
• Key contacts (executor, close family, officiant)
• Where to find your complete planning documents

Put this summary somewhere obvious—taped inside a kitchen cabinet, filed in the front of your home file cabinet, saved on your phone with a clear label. When someone needs it, they need it immediately.

If You're Making Decisions After a Death

Everything above applies to you. The only difference is timeline pressure.

Focus on the minimum viable decisions first:

Immediate needs: Arrange transport of remains and temporary care. Choose disposition method (burial or cremation). Set a tentative service date if you want one.

Your leverage: If the body is with a hospital morgue or coroner, you typically have at least two days to make arrangements, sometimes a week or more depending on state rules and circumstances. Use that time. Call multiple providers, request General Price Lists, compare options.

What can wait: Detailed obituary writing. Planning a reception or gathering. Choosing a headstone or monument. Deciding on flag-folding ceremony details for a veteran.

Don't let anyone pressure you into deciding everything immediately. Transport and basic care are urgent. Everything else can follow once you've had time to think clearly and compare costs.

Mistakes That Cost Money or Cause Regret

Assuming embalming is always required. It almost never is. Refrigeration works when you need time.

Accepting package deals without itemization. Packages hide unnecessary costs and prevent comparison shopping. Always get line-by-line pricing.

Confusing cemetery requirements with state law. Cemeteries require burial vaults. State law doesn't. Know which rules are legal mandates versus property policies.

Prepaying without understanding the fine print. Review your state's preneed regulations. Confirm refund terms, transfer policies, and what happens if the funeral home closes before handing over money.

Not telling anyone where you stored your plan. Instructions that can't be found can't be followed.

Start Where You Are

You don't need perfection. You need a plan that's clear enough to guide decisions and flexible enough to adapt if circumstances change.

Here's where to start:

Write down your top three priorities and budget range today. Right now, before you talk yourself out of it.

Choose burial or cremation and whether you want a viewing or service. Just make the basic call.

Request General Price Lists from two or three funeral homes. See what real numbers look like in your area.

Gather your vital statistics. Put the list somewhere your family can find it.

Tell one person what you want and where your documents are. Have that conversation this week.

Pre-planning removes uncertainty from a difficult process. It gives your family clear direction when they're least equipped to make complicated decisions. And it ensures the farewell you receive actually reflects what you wanted.

The decisions aren't complicated. They're just hard to think about. But getting them on paper means one less burden for the people you love.